Three Month Rule.

My buddy—let’s call him “Smorgasberg”—just got dumped because of his now ex-girlfriend’s Three Month Rule.

Basically, it takes three months of dating to find out if you are compatible/want the same things for the future. And if, after that time you find that you aren’t/don’t, then – break up.

Also called the I’m-Not-Wasting-My-Hotness-While-It-Lasts-On-This-Shit Rule. Not to be confused with No-Sex-For-The-First-Three-Months-Of-Dating-So-I-Know-You-Respect-Me Rule favored by prude women and pre-op transsexuals.

In Smorgasberg’s case, he wanted to go to China and dig in the dirt for bones, she did not. Three months passed—he still wants to go and she still does not.

So she dumped him. On his birthday. That is a woman who knows what she wants.
This is the fourth best reason to break up with someone—after domestic abuse, cheating, and boyfriend not wanting to watch awesome Adam Sandler movies (not in that order).

It is delightfully Machiavellian, and I think chicks everywhere need to adopt this rule. Because time is limited and inertia will gangster you.

You don’t want to be fighting the same fights, tabling the same questions, rationalizing the same dissatisfactions indefinitely. And waiting, hoping for someone to change their mind, change their life, change their personality is just a waste of time.

I plan to follow this rule rigorously, and if me and the dyslexic egomaniac ever make it to three months, I’ll let you know.